More clothes!

Last time I posted clothes for sale, they were gone within a week, so I figured I would list some more. All are NWT, NWOT or worn once. I ship as cheaply as I can. if you buy in "bulk" I will definitely cut a deal!
It's all summer or fall.

http://newtoyouclothes.blogspot.com/

DEPORTATION!

Petey has been deported. Evicted. No more Petey. He has left the building. No mas port. All gone. Au Revoir. Hasta lavista. So long. Fare well. It's over. Buh bye!

Guess you get the picture. I am portless. The place where my port lived for 14 months now feels very empty (and sore..). What a day! I could not wait to go get the surgery. I woke with a surreal feeling, wondering if something would go wrong. (You know the scenerio...you get there and they say "not so fast young lady...")
Recap of the experience: Left the house with a bounce in my step (think Tigger). Got to the surgery center (still bouncing in), announcing myself. The receptionist said she saw me coming and pulled my file. She said it was great having someone come in so happy. Registered, signed my life away and waited to get to the back. Chatted up with some people (mostly gossip about Debbie Rowe and Jon Gosselin ). When the nurse called me back I jumped up and gave DH a huge kiss. With a huge smile, I practically ran the nurse over to get to the changing rooms. Got on my gown and sat down to wait for the Dr. After an hour, he finally came in and right away gave me a high five. We talked about the procedure and off I went to the OR. Escorted by my fab surgeon and the nurse, I had my gown on and a white blanket on me (the OR rooms are the temperature of meat freezers). On the way out I stopped to talk to another patient waiting. I had heard her saying she was really nervous. I gave her a hug and told her this was my 4th time here and this place really was the best. Anyway, back to ME (it IS all about ME, after all...) I (literally) skipped out of the room and then once they said we were going to OR room 1, I put my arms out with my blanket spread and ran down the hallway. My surgeon announced we have Supergirl here. (This guy is young, really fun, he is easy going and very relaxed). When I got to the door I screamed out "I WON!!" Both of them pushed me through the door. They got me on the table in the freezing room (although I have to admit it was warmer than usual) and got me prepped. I was getting a local for the first time instead of going under, which was great with me! Once prepped, Dr. S gave me my shots (OK, THAT hurt!) and I was numb almost immediately. He told me to look away and he cut right along my old scar. It was soooooooooo weird!!!! I told Dr. S he had to entertain me too so he started singing. That's when I told him to keep his day job and talk to me instead about how the port would come out, how the vein closes automatically when it is pulled out (which I found fascinating..) I felt alot of pulling and cutting, very odd feeling. Then Dr. S told me to be quiet and listen...he dropped the port into a metal dish. WOW!!! It was OUT!!!! Here is the part I got quite upset. I told him I wanted to take it home, and he said NO, it was biohazard material. But...but...but...my Petey! I wanted to keep my Petey! I wanted to say goodbye and bury him, or...something....Alas, it was not to be. After I was sewn up, I asked to please see him. My nurse brought him to me (kind of like a baby in a towel, it was very amusing) and it looked nothing like I thought! I thought it was white and plasticky and it was all metal and shiny. I reached out to it and said "Petey, I love you...parting is such sweet sorrow". I sniffed and Dr. S thought I was really crying...bahahaha. When he saw that I was joking, he said very seriously "You are SO weird!" and we all had a laugh on with me. I told Dr. S that I hoped I would never see him again.
And that, as they say, was that. I got dressed and got to leave immediately. With a huge smile on my face, I went to the waiting room and shouted to Rich "I have been deported!!" He was chatting with a couple who gave me a congratulations. How fun!!!!
After making a stop to get some sweet tea, and visiting a few thrift stores (Out shopping right after surgery, Gotta love it!) I came home and announced that I was hungry. My dear sweet husband said (and I quote) "You didn't have chemo, you have no more cancer and now no port. Go get yourself something to eat!" Such a funny guy . (Yes, he was just kidding)
Got to rest a bit and will go to sleep early. Hopefully I feel this good tomorrow!

So now I am portless in NJ. This book has ended and it is time to start a new one. I know in my mind it is always a possibility that the Hodge will return and I will need a new port, but I will enjoy every day to it's fullest and revel in my good luck that this journey was a relatively short one.

Good bye Petey, RIP. You did your job well.

And thank you to all who have followed me and cheered me on. It's been amazing.
God is so good.

Petey:



No Petey:

First visit over...

We had our first home visit with DYFS today. Chatted a bit, signed lots more forms, got more finger print forms and checked all the appropriate boxes.
We signed up for any gender, any race, ages 0-10. Foster, foster to adopt or just emergency care.
Then came the inspection...She loved the house, said we had plenty of room, all child proofing were adequate...We have to finish our master bath, the toilet, tub and sinks work but it is a huge mess still and has no finishing "touches", she said this will not pass. Gives us the motivation to finally get it done, but it is strange it needs to be done, it is locked so the kids can't get in it. We have a couple months to do it till the final state inspection.
All else went great till the very last room...Jonathan's. We have a finished basement and his bedroom is down there. It has a window that he can get out of, but she said there is no way she will pass that, she does not like finished basements and his room needs a standard full window. (The minute I said we had a finished basement she made a face, I should have known we were in for trouble...) John is moving out very soon, he has been looking at apartments, but is having trouble finding one he likes and can afford. So, for now he will be moving my office stuff into his room and he will get my office (which has its own bathroom, a door to the outside and of course, a window). He is upgrading for sure. Me? I am being thrown down into the dungeon that has been known as the man cave for 10 years. Ah well...it is safer for him anyway.

Now that is done, I prepare for tomorrow's surgery. I have to be there 11:15. Getting a bit nervous, but I am very excited!
Will write after I am drugged up laying in bed comfortably numb (gee, this sounds familiar...).

Beunos Noches!

Cancer etiquette

What do you do or say when you hear someone you know or love has cancer? The first reaction is "oh shit" and disbelief. Doesn't take a brain surgeon to realize that those words should not come out of your mouth when someone tells you they have cancer.
What do you say and what are plain out no-no's?

The "don'ts":
***NO CANCER WAR STORIES! While this should be as obvious as the nose on your face, people tend to chatter when they are nervous (and nothing makes someone more nervous than the word cancer). Please keep the "my uncle had cancer and he fought so hard. He did great till he DIED" story to yourself. And if it's too late and it starts to come out of your mouth, finish the story by LYING. Yes, I am telling you to sin and lie. You can say your Hail Mary's later, but catch yourself and end the story by saying "He is doing great today!". Hey, truth is, he is doing great, he is in a terrific place.
Get it? Good.
***NO CHEMO WAR STORIES! Please, pretty please...do not tell those that are about to go through the torture of chemotherapy that your aunt Tilly got diabetes from chemo (yes, it happened to me) or that your friend Dave got so sick he could not move out of bed for the whole treatment. Don't go into your dad's chemo story that he threw up so much and was so weak he had to use a wheelchair or your old teacher ended up with such bad lung and heart damage she had to have a transplant.
***DO NOT MAKE A FUSS WHEN YOU FIND OUT. Let me tell you a story about what happened to me one day. I was at my kids field day when an aquaintance overheard me talking to my friends. She is a fellow large family mother and she approached me and asked me if it was true I had cancer. When I said yes she immediately went into "OH. MY. GOD.!!!!!" mode. In the most dramatic fashion, she touched my arm, had tears in her eyes and said "OH. MY. GOD. that is HORRIBLE! That is the most terrible thing I have heard. OH. MY. GOD. Are you OK? You must be so scard!!! OH. MY. GOD. THIS IS JUST TERRIBLE! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT". You get the drift. This went on for a good 3 minutes till I finally told her it was not as horrible as it sounds and I would be OK (while I had a smile plastered on my face). And yet, she was still shaking her head, trying not to cry, at one point putting her hand on her mouth, in Scarlett fashion.
People, this is wrong1 Just wrong!! Do that when you are alone, but for heavens sake, use the God given filter between your brain and mouth and hold off on the "OH. MY. GOD.!!!" dramatics. It is the last thing a person needs to hear when they are fighting back fear and dread. (That day I was very optimistic and I was having a good time, after her reaction, I left in tears, got in the car and cried, that is how powerful your words and actions can be! It really sunk home that I had CANCER and could die!)
***DO NOT TELL SOMEONE THEY WILL BE FINE. You do not know that! You hope so, but you don't know. (I will go into what you *can* say, but don't say "Oh, you will be fine". It sounds lame and is an outright lie coming from someone who is not a Dr).
***DO NOT SAY: "But you look great! How can you have cancer? I bet it's gone now!" If it was looks that tell how we are inside, none of us would have cancer. You do not know the emotional status of someone who is fighting for their life every minute of every day...it might take every ounce of strength and make up to make ourselves look presentable. If it took a little more lipstick to make the cancer go away, trust me, we would do it!
***DO NOT PROMISE HELP IN ANY WAY IF YOU DON'T MEAN IT. If you want to help with time (taking kids), meals or any other way, then offer it, otherwise, do not do it, because if you don't follow through, it can be pretty upsetting to the one you offered it to! Please do not forget them....
***DO NOT IGNORE THE PERSON BECAUSE YO DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY. This can be really devastating. As it is, people who were diagnosed feel bad enough, they don't need to be ignored or 'forgotten" about. It is amazing how you leanr who your true friends are and who they are *not* when you need them the most.
***DO NOT GO ON AND ON HOW SICK YOU ARE! Have a headache, stomache ache, ulcer, corns on your feet, etc? Please shut up. I know I would have traded every ache and pain for what I had. Wanna trade cancer for body aches? I thought not.

So what *can* you do or say? What are the right answers and actions when faced with the unspeakable information that someone you know or love has this dreaded disease?
***DO share success stories! If you happen to know a Survivor with the same type of cancer, suggest to hook them up! They share a common bond that can really help their journey.
***DO offer to pray for that person if it's all right with them. Tell them you are thinking about them and you would love to life them up in prayers. That helped me more than anything! I could feel the love and warmth that surrounded me!
***DO tell them you are sorry they are sick, but assure them you have faith they will pull through. If you see they do not want to hear that, give it up, don't insist.
***DO feel free to commiserate with them that cancer sucks and chemo is hard. You can't possibly understand as you have not been there, but you will do everything possible to help them, if they allow you to!
***DO feel free to hug them lightly and show them you really care. Tears are OK, just don't overdo it! Remember their emotions are quite fragile. As bad as you feel, they feel worse. However, showing you care really means alot. Quite a few people i did not know cared a crap about me, ended up being my biggest supporters! What a wonderful surprise!
***DO make meals, offer to care for kids, do light housekeeping, drive the person to chemo or wherever they need. Usually those of us in need will accept!
***DO ask if they want to go out and catch a movie. Life on chemo is predicatable and lonely. A little cancercation is very needed and wanted.
***DO surprise them with a smoothie or trash magazines. I had one certain friend who would show up unexpectantly with ices or magazines I would never buy for myself. I called her my icees angel.
***DO feel free to give gift cards or money. Cancer takes a HUGE financial toll on a family. Pride usually is left behind when you are dealing with your health.
***Do feel free to say "cancer sucks!" or "fuck cancer!" It is in all our minds and is acceptable (and warranted!)

Hope this helps someone out there. Feel free to add "do's" and "don'ts" of your own!

Excitement is brewing

It has been raining babies. I love when it rains babies...makes me all warm and fuzzy.

A couple of shout outs...
My step brother Brett and his wife Tanya had their 3rd boy yesterday, baby Max.

My friend Alice had her court date for her new daughter Natalie Kristina in Russia. Her road has been a long one to adopt a daughter and I am so very excited for her.

My friend Stacy passed court for her daughter Tami, from Ethiopia. Stacy's road has been even longer, after a failed adoption from Guatemala (and other roadblocks) but she is now officially a mommy!

I also have another friend who I can't name just yet, but she knows who she is and she is adopting a stunning little girlie. Can't wait to "out" her. Congrats my friend, you deserve all the happiness in the world!



My excitement? We have an appt with DYFS on Tuesday to do their interviews with us all and our first home inspection. It's about damn time! I'm psyched to be finally finishing our certification as adopt/foster parents! (We took the classes over a year ago, but then fought cancer, heart attack and we got Hailey, so we got a *bit* side tracked ), but now we are doing it!! Go US! :)

And for more excitement (can you bear it??) !! I have decided to be a CASA volunteer. CASA stand for Court Appointed Special Advocate. I have to go through 30 hours of training and get sworn in by the courts, then I get a foster child/children to see through their process. CASA's are there for them every week, go to every court hearing, tell the judge what they think is in the best interest of the child and try to find them permanent homes. They are the one constant in these kids lives. All these children have suffered through bad abuse and neglect, and heaven knows they need someone to battle for them. The judges only have 10 minutes per case and CPS always goes for reunification, even when it is not in the best interest of the child. That is where CASAs step in. They get the court files, the states files and speak to the children every week.
My friend Sue and I are signing up together. We'll start classes in the fall. I know it will be so hard to witness all the heart ache, but I want to make a difference in more childrens lives and I can't adopt them all (although I would love to try LOL) Alas, as my DH says "You can't save 'em all Hasselhoff". I believe I can save alot more than he thinks ;)

On that note, I hope y'all are having a fabulous weekend!!!!

Defending yourself

Ever been in a situation you feel you have to defend yourself or your actions?
I have been in that position many a time because of how many children I have, how I raise my children (delayed vaccination, baby wearing, co sleeping, etc), where I adopted from, why I adopted.
One thing I usually don't defend is my choice of religion. I am Jewish, my DH is not, our kids are exposed to it all. That is the short answer. That is it.
Due to facebook, I have come back into contact with old classmates from my Yeshivah I attended for 13 years. I actually felt the need to explain my "non" Jewish behavior (ex, celebrating Christmas) and I wrote a dissertation on it. Why? I am sure it was not warranted, just a simple question from an old friend.
My reaction was interesting to me, in light of the fact that I don't care what anyone thinks, this is my life and like it or leave it. After I wrote what I did I was shocked at my reaction.
Wondering if anyone else feels the need to defend yourself. Such a strange feeling since it is something I never feel the need to do!

Just call me Tinky Winky

Ever since my hair started growing back in, I have been cheering it on. Yes, I talk to it. I massage my head. I am gentle with my newfound locks. Never again, will I take it for granted. Any day with hair is a GREAT hair day!
However, that does not mean I don't complain about it not growing in fast enough. Most days I put a headband in it and just push it all back, because I have what my friend Ann calls "wings".
Well, today I was messing around and managed to get a ponytail on top of my head. I DID IT! It was long enough to get it all up there! Excitedly and with much enthusiasm, I showed my wonderful hubby and he exclaimed; "You look like a Teletubby".
Well, color me purple, give me a purse and call me Tinky Winky. That's OK, cuz I got a pony!

Do not try this at home!

It was pretty unanimous in the comments yesterday that we didn't get the whole groping thing our men enjoy so deeply. The little "cheap feel" they all seem to love.
I figured I would experiment for my fellow Venus women. I would take one for the team, so to speak. Show my man (who BTW is one of the best hubbies I ever met) that it was really silly...I would teach him a little lesson! I am woman, after all, hear me roar!

I strategized....I walked by him in an inopportune time...kids weren't too far, he was busy doing something important...surely this might annoy him! I went in for the kill, grabbed him by the balls and squeezed.

Lo and behold, my experiment failed. He loved it. Grabbed me back. Wanted more. All out sex on the kitchen floor would have been fine for him.

Sorry gals. Boys will be boys.

But, you know what, I wouldn't change it for the world ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY USA!!! I am so damn proud to be an American!!!!

Love, the Mars way

There is a question I have been pondering for ages (not that I am that old, I'm just saying....)
Why is it that when a man wants to show his affection for his woman, he grabs her butt. Or even better, her boob. You know, when they pass you by, instead of a gentle kiss on the cheek, or hands through your hair, they sneak in a squeeze here....a pinch there. Seriously girls, when you walk by your man, do you grab his crotch? Maybe we should try it...then again, they'de probably love it.

Just something on this Friday morning to make you go "hmmmmmm"......

And on a fun note, I want to welcome my SITSAs! My bloggy is being featured today! If you don't know what a SITSA is, you must visit us over at:
The Secret Is In The Sauce . It is THE place to be if you are a blogger!

The posts being featured:
Bedhead but not in the traditional sense
Biohazard!
Life after cancer.

Have a great Friday y'all!!
PS- HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA! I miss you something fierce, even after 18 years. I hope you get fireworks up in heaven. You will always be my hero.

Open letter to nominee of "Mother of The Year"

Dear Mother.



To the incredible person I drove next to today. You, with the shiny new black BMW. Beautiful car. The reason I noticed it is because as I was first driving behind you, as I noticed you swirving pretty badly, so I moved nearside you. I noticed your 2 kids in the backseat, your pretty blonde bob haircut, your great long fingernails and the large tattoo on your arm. I also, to my chagrine, noticed you were texting while driving. And if that was not bad enough, with your free 2 fingers you were gripping a cigarette. With the windows rolled up tight, as I am sure you air conditioner was going full blast.

Perhaps you have neglected to read the million warning signs about second hand smoke. Or all those wonderful new commercials warning of kids breathing in all your polution.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, you might not read or watch TV as you cook and clean all day (and drive your girls around from activity to activity). Surely you are a wonderful mother. You sure do look "cool".

The testing while driving? Brilliant. Against the law, and a not a good example for your children. Like I said, brilliant.

I have put your name in for "Mother of The Year".

Now put the phone down and save your kids lungs by not smoking in front of them.

Revenge of the mosquitos

Last summer I had the advantage of being on chemo, which meant no mosquito bites. I could actually see the mosquito thinking as he approached me..."Ooooh, meat...blood....ahahaha, yes there is it..." Mosquito lands on my skin, putting on bib, getting excited, ready to bite...."Yum"....then mosquito sniffs..."Um, what is this? Oh g-r-o-s-s. What the hell is this smell...?" as he sniffs the chemo through my toxic skin....Makes an icky face and flies away in search of a clean predator.....
It was great, we could be standing in a pond of standing water and I would be the only one who had not one bite! The beauty of chemo drugs....

Today I was sitting outside for no more than 5 minutes and I got about 12 bites. The same mosquitos that warned their friends last year of my toxic blood, whistled to their families that I was fresh bait this year. Like a swarm of bees to honey I was bombarded.

Maybe they make a mosquito repellent that makes you smell of chemo....gotta patent that one....

Not a good week to be a celebrity...

Ed Mcmahon dies...Jon & Kate file for divorce...Farrah...MJ.....

Makes "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here" a whole new spin.
(Sorry, bad joke...)

Condolences to the kids and the loved ones left behind by divorce and death.

I will admit to being most hit by Farrah's death. Young, beautiful, vibrant, good person who was taken away by cancer.
God bless you Farrah. RIP. Your legacy will live forever.

As for MJ...guess it is a good thing that he will be remembered for his fabulous music and not for being a pedophile (hmmmm...) but I would like to watch the news and remember that we still have men and women dying in a faux war, people are losing their homes right and left and there are no good jobs out there.
That's America for you.

Surreal

My Oncologist called me today and congratulated me on my fantastic news that I got from the surgeon yesterday. She said she gave the surgeons office the OK for the removal of my port. She sounded so happy and relieved herself, it made me giggle.
I am so excited yet kind of afraid to believe it. Getting the confirmation from her meant so much!! I am totally utterly amazingly NED!!!!!!

Thank you all for the comments on facebook (and here). I feel so loved :D Your support over the past year has meant the WORLD to me.

My journey is over. I can't believe it. It REALLY is over. Wow.

Tomorrow my son Chris graduates 8th grade. So very bittersweet. It's my 3rd child to go through this, you would think I would be an old hat, but alas, it still is so sad for me. I am so proud of him, he is such a great kid. Can't he stay young forever? ,sniff>

With all my good news, I do ask that you continue to keep Trina in your prayers. Honestly, it clouded my good news, as I kept thinking that it would be soooo cool if she could get this news too.
I am holding out great hope and FAITH that it won't be too long that we hear the words from her too. NED. The best 3 letters I know!
Love you T and all my love to y'all!

It's OVER.

My cancer journey is over.
We knew in our hearts it was over after my first clean PET, but in the last 6 months this pesky node had everyone all worried.
Today I went to the surgoen and he smugly waived the biopsy report in my face and said "the node was normal" (he told me that from the get go). I asked him why it was bigger and he had no idea, and he didn't care (LOL). I asked why we could feel it and he said "because you're so skinny". Great, good enough answer for me!!
The next thng I did was go in the back and scheduled my dear old Petey the port to come out! They have ot get the OK from my Oncologist and then I am to be at the outpatient surgery center on July 15 to evict my faithful friend. He has done a wonderful job, but his services are no longer needed :)

I am relieved, I skipped out of the office. What a huge sigh of RELIEF!!!!

Today and cranky about it.

Today is 4 years since my Grandma passed away. I miss her.
I am still very sleepy and not happy about it. The pain pills have wrecked my tummy.
Rich is at work, so a babysitter is watching my kids and I feel like an awful mom. Have I mentioned that all I have been doing is sleeping for the past 3 1/2 days?
Oh, and my brother has forgotten that he has a sister who just had surgery. What a peach.
It's raining like crazy so I can't sit in the backyard and soak up the sun.

Ugh, taking my cranky self back to bed. Wait, I am in bed. Guess I am going back to sleep.

***UPDATE***
My fabulous DH came home and made me dress and go out. We went to Five Guys and then to Kohls to buy a few things, only to be followed by yummy ices. I love that man. :)

Good news for my precious Abigayle!

Today she went to get her yearly tests done for her Kidney Reflux and they showed that the valve spontaneously fixed itself! No more daily antibiotics and no more worrying about UTI's. I am so very excited :)She hated her meds and we were always worried about the possibility of surgery to fix the valve.

Yay Abby!

A day in bed...

Still in pain. I was on 2 Percocets at a time but it is making my tummy feel icky, so I have to cut down to 1 which is not cutting it. I also heard from my Pharmacist BFF that it is Percodan I should be on for the swelling/pain. Grrrr. SO now I am taking Advil on top of a Percocet. That should do the trick.

Last night was rough. I was in and out of it and poor Rich barely got sleep.

At 4AM he managed to sleep through me getting up but I had even better company...my little girly. She and I sang songs, she kissed my boo boo (where I had the IV), kissed me, patted me and was downright adorable. She looked so cute I had to take a picture of her.


(yes, this was at 4AM. How can one feel bad when having company as cute as this?!)

I had a fantastic burger (the works!) from Five Guys yesterday (yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm) and just sent Rich out to get me some Thai food for lunch.
Hate the pain, but love being waited on.....

Thanks for all the well wishes. I am doing great. Just praying my node is clean.

Speak of prayers... please keep em coming for Trina!

Freaking OUCH.

Damn, this hurts.
We have officially evicted the node. The Drs finally felt it and thought it was quite bigger. Turns out it was not half as big as they thought and it was very deep, so he had to do some serious prodding to get it out. My whole arm hurts. I seriously am not a wimp (I gave birth at home, I can deal with pain really good) but this? THIS SUCKS! (Yo top it all off, the nurse who prepped me could not get an IV line the first time, so I had to be stuck, twice. The thing is my veins are really good. The vein could hot have been sticking out further. Ugh).

I am on Percocet and very loopy.

As for the node, the surgeon said it looked absolutely fine, but of course we all know that does not mean it IS fine.

So, I am asking for prayers that it turns out to be nothing and I can get on with my life.

And if it is the cancer again? I have promised Trina that I would be flying out there in between treatments and we will be having a "cancer only" trip for us baldies with ports. My silver lining in all this.

Hope this sounds clear, my head is swimming and my arm is achy. OUCHIES!!!!

Off to evict...

"the" node.
had a great day yesterday with my hubby on our anniversary. I got a massage, then we went for lunch (just me and the hub), and then we took our kids out of school to see the movie "Up" (which, BTW was cute, but I do not recommend for young kids).
Last night I started to freak out a bit and started cleaning like crazy. Just knowing I was going for surgery makes me want to "put things in order", KWIM?
And why is it that when you *can't* eat, you are starving? For real, that is so silly. Christopher made me a big plate of eggs and a banana last night at 10PM. I should not be that hungry now...

After surgery I plan on having DH take me to 5 guys for a burger before coming home and milking this for all its worth laying down to rest while on kick ass pain meds.

I am nervous. I'm glad this node is finally coming out, I need this "it is...it's not" ordeal to end, but naturally I hate going through surgery and as sure I am that this is nothing, I am scared it is the Hodge come back rearing it's ugly head.
Any prayers would be awesome.

I'll check in when I can! Toodles!

Sick to my stomach

For those of you who don't follow Cameo's or Trina's blogs.
Bad news for Trina. The bone scan that was clean a month ago is no longer clean.

To say I shed tears yesterday is an understatement. I barely slept.
If I had one wish to grant it would be for this family.
I will ask, no beg...
PLEASE KEEP HER IN YOUR PRAYERS.
PLEASE pray for a miracle.

Squish, squash, squooshed

Had my mammogram today...after adequately torturing my breasts, we found out my boobs are free and clear of cancer.

Yesterday Abigayle fell down a flight of stairs. By the grace of God she landed on her butt and only came out of it with a small scratch on her elbow. I was sick with the possibility of it being so much worse.

Off to snuggle with my babes who are not sleeping yet.

(almost) Wordless Wednesday

Today Timmy brought home this picture he drew in school. We have all got Disney on the brain. :)
Baby girl loves herself. Bahahaha.

My Jonathan took me out to eat Hibachi for my birthday today, This is what the chef did for us :)

Happy Wednesday!

Bleo-ed lungs

One of my chemo meds was Bleomycin. The chemo med that is known to effect your lungs and heart. The one that many a time damages the lungs so bad, I have encountered quite a few (ex chemo) patients that have gotten extremely ill and passed away waiting for a lung transplant. This was the med Lance Armstrong refused because of the damage it causes.
Yes, this scares me. I was thrilled to be able to stop the Bleo after 4 cycles, but of course disturbed that it was stopped because on my PFT (Pulmonary Function Test) it was shown that my lungs had already suffered damage.
Every day I wake I feel a rattling in my lungs. I have to cough it up and take a few deep breaths.
This cold (now sinus infection) I have was much easier on everyone else here to get over. Me? I am coughing up hair balls.
It bothers me. Obviously.
I try not to think about it, after all, the meds saved my life, but times like these I wonder if it wasn't better for me to forgo that certan treatment.
Just thinking out loud...

Sinus infection

We went away for the weekend like we planned. My birthday was wonderful. I got an ITouch (and lots of accessories for it), a ton of scratch offs (I won $11, woohoo LOL), a massage and I have a dinner with my oldest, John, coming on Wednesday night.


We also had a night at the hotel we like in CT. We stayed there last year while I was going through chemo, so it was fun going there again. The kids love the hotel and love the pool. Saturday we headed to our friends Ann and Pauls house. The plan was to have fun there for the day, then all go to Rich's sisters wedding reception. Unfortunately, about half was through the day I was feeling worse and eventually had a fever. It was becoming clear that the only place I was going was bed. :( Rich took Chris and went to the reception while the rest of us went to sleep early. Sunday we left much earlier than we hoped because I just needed to get home to rest. (Which of course never happened, I came home and cleaned, as usual...but I digress),

Even with sickness, I was glad we got to go away for the weekend and really glad the kids had fun.

I finally got to the Dr today and he announced I had a sinus infection. There's a shocker. LOL

Just a few pics, as I took most pics on Friday, and only a few on Saturday.

Me n my girl.


Silly girls.

At the pool.

Hailey was trying so hard to get in the pool, she loved it.

Crawling!!! She just started this in the last few days, we are in so much trouble!

Aidan and Hailey.

Isn't she lovely?



Hoping the antibiotics take effect very soon...

Mom n me

We had a great day today on our annual birthday massage day. SO much better than last year when we had to trade it in for chemo....
We had breakfast.
Then we went for our massages.
Then lunch.
And finally fantastic spa pedicures (where they treated us like queens).

Tomorrow Rich, myself and the kids are off for a weekend away. We have a wedding on saturday night so we are making a weekend of it. First night at a hotel and the next night at our friends Ann and Paul's.

Not a bad birthday, eh? :)

Hope y'all have a great weekend!

Using the cancer card on my chemoversary

Last year at this time I was in bed recovering from my first chemo treatment. I was vomiting and ill but in good spirits because I was finally doing *something* to get rid of the cancer (besides praying...)

Today I was in my car thinking about this all and wondering what will happen when this node comes out, when I get pulled over. Not by any old cop, but by a Deputy Chief of Police. First thing he does is show me his badge and tell me he doesn't normally pull people over. However, I was going 15 miles over the speed limit. I pulled out my info and told him I had no excuse, I was very sorry and I understood he needed to give me a ticket. He looked at me intensely and asked what the rush was. I told him about my node and how I thought I would be going for surgery to take out the port but instead get to go in for yet another biopsy. I told him I was deep in thought and very sad about it all.
Very softly and patiently he told me the story of his SIL who had Lymphoma (!) and then they found a node and thought it was breast cancer (!!) and it turned out to be nothing.
We talked for a while, I shed a few tears and he told me he could not give me a ticket but I had to slow down and never speed like that again (which I NEVER DO!!!) I swear I was meant to meet him (there is my God-wink for the day!).
He gave me hope and showed me kindness. Yup, I played the cancer card.
I am so glad I met this kind human being.
He gave me his card and I just EM him to thank him for being so kind.
Life is amazing, huh? :)

"With your history of cancer..."

I dislike hearing that, it always takes me aback and makes me feel like a freakazoid.
Anyway, went to the surgeon and it was decided that the node has taken up its own zip code under my arm. It needs to come out. As I was expecting he wanted to do the surgery this Friday, but it is my birthday. Last birthday I was doped up on chemo and anti nausea meds and there is NO WAY I would allow anything like that this year! Besides, we are going away for the weekend. This node can BITE ME.
Unfortunately the only friday this month that was good for me was the last Friday of the month and it was too far away ("with your history of cancer, we really should not wait that long.."), so we booked it for the 17th.
The up part? I'll be getting some really good meds and some major rest time. The down part? I'll be in too much pain to enjoy it.
:p

Clothes for sale

I just created a new blog with tons of baby clothes for sale. Girls and boys, sizes 0-24 months.

Most are new and designer brands. Nothing more than $5.00.

http://newtoyouclothes.blogspot.com/

EM me if interested in anything. SA 3 @ aol.com (no spaces, obviously)

Whew....

Crazy few days...Timmy was really ill, then Aidan got it. High fevers, body aches. very sore throat, bad headache. Dr said it is a flu, but not "the" (swine) flu. Now Abby has it and I am not feeling too swift.
Vicki and Alina left today. Vicki was feeling naucous and when Vicki called me to let me know they were at the gate, Alina was very tired and said she didn't feel well. I pray they don't get it.

I got my labs and I have been declared PERFECT!! Not only were my CBC's great, but everything aligned too, which is so comforting (maybe the other blood test sat around too long, who knows). My SED rate is GREAT (it tends to be off when you have something stupid like cancer). We are assured now more than ever that this node is just a PITA (pain in the ass arm. ) I honestly can't wait for the node to come out. I figure I will milk it (right Mom?) and have a good excuse to lay around and get fed ice cream.

Hailey spent the night for the first time away from us at her grandpa's house. I miss her terribly but it was nice to have a little break (and it could not have come at a better time, since I don't feel well). She is due back any second.

Some pictures of the little Guategirlies.

Ready for Disney in their Tinkerbell nightgowns!

Are they not the CUTEST?



In my Guatemalan swing

Something is so funny...


But it's an inside joke...

Man, do I love them.


I still cannot get over how great they play together. They see each other every 6 months and pick up where they left off. They share so well and are really considerate of each others feelings. Everything is "we" want this or "we" what that. When Abby is upset Alina brings her her blankie and paci and when Alina is upset Abs brings her her blankie and bear. These girls are unbelievable.

My boys love Alina too, they are so gentle with her and treat her like a sister. Alina loves them all but has a special crush on Timmy (always has).

Oooh, think I hear my littlest girlie! Life's back to norm now!

Abandoning ship!

Dr is doing a whole bunch of panel work ups on me. She apologized for not letting me know about the sugar and thyroid issues, but she had already written in her instructions to do all of them.
I should hear tomorrow. We did get the basic labs back, red/white/platelets and everything looks right on target.

On the interesting part...she can now feel the PITA node under my arm. I am so sick and tired of dealing with this one node. I am sure it is nothing and I want it OUT! Out damn spot node, OUT! I do not care about surgery or pain or anything else, I just want to get it out, find out it is nothing and go on with my life!

That is my exciting news of the day. Oh, that and my poor Timothy is sick with fever. Of course we were a little nervous about the whole swine flu thing (it is in our county, ack!), but he seems to be better now.

And life goes on..... :D